Blurting it all out..

Friendship is not something I have had a lot of experience with. While I had some friends growing up, it was never a lot and the older I got, the fewer and further between I had. I am very much a loner, extremely antisocial and would rather prefer staying at home than going out. That in itself of course doesnt help on the friends department.

About 5 years ago I truly discovered the internet. I mean I had been on it before, had even tried a few online dating chatrooms and god I was such a noob there. Didnt know what smilies were :p Out of the few that actually responded to my profiles there, I only met one. And though I was real specific that I wanted to take things slow, as in no sex on the first date, that was exactly what he was after.
So after that I havent really bothered. Kinda figure thats what all want when they go there, I guess.

Anyways, 5 years ago I was very much in love with the movie Lord of the Rings. I mean really in love. I think I saw that movie like 20 times, in the theaters and countless times more on video when it came out.

Bored one night I went on google and did the LOTR search, something I doubt I will ever regret, even if it led to a lot of bad times.

Doing that search led me to the LOTR RPG site: Lord of the Rings Fanatics Plaza.

Hey I was a fanatic, right? Or at least I considered myself one, seeing as I couldnt get enough of the movie. On one of the old front pages there was a quiz. Where you had to answer like 100 of Bilbo Baggins' questions. I have no idea how I scored, but I was hooked from then on.

Its a roleplaying site, where you write a RPG together with others, in Kingdoms. It also has Lore, book discussions and Movie discussions. At the time of my registration over 12 thousand had already registered and now its like 80+. The forum was unique in a way that every post (in some sections) gave points and these points added up to ranks. Back then there were only 8 ranks and I think they have 15 now. When I joined the site had been going for about 10 months and those already there had already formed several cliques, many which still exist.

Noob that I was, having NEVER been on an online forum, I fill in the username with my real life name. Ya, such a ditz. It cost me 10 whole points to change my name. Something I found horrible, as how would I ever get those back?? But I couldnt use my real name, it looked stupid. So I changed it, despite how much it hurt to part with said points, to a user name I have used almost everywhere else since (no not SilverTears, thats just an homage to the song Into the West). I wont type it as I dont want people doing a search on it and finding this.

However it took 2 weeks for me to change it and during that time I mainly frequented the movies section (duh) only posting rarely. Most of my points then was gotten from taking more quizzes that also gave points.
I remember the first time I had to make my own thread, one to introduce myself in, I almost had a heart attack. Thats how intimidating I found it. (I did say I was an internet noob)

I slowly posted more and more, venturing into the Off Topic section as well as hanging out in the Newcomers section greeting newer members than me, posting more and more. I stayed far away from the Kingdom I had joined, the threads totally intimidating me. Each kingdom has 2 "rulers" and they are the "bosses" of those Kingdoms. Their word is law, they say whether things can be done or not, lay the rules and so on. And in this Kingdom I had joined there was a thread where you could approach the almighty rulers and ask for this or that, complain or bring forward suggestions. That thread scare the crap out of me, and I stayed well away from it, thinking on those with a higher level were allowed there.
And because I had never roleplayed in my life before, all the rest of the threads held no appeal to me either. I did not know how to write a post, and heck reaching 200 characters (to get a point) was like asking me to run a marathon.

So I stuck with the Off Topic, Party, and Newcomers sections and slowly gained more confidence there. (Online confidence mind you)

(More to come)